


To Return a Lightsaber

by RobinPlaysTrumpet15



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Hurt, Hurt Obi-Wan Kenobi, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicidal Thoughts, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Injury, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, References to Depression, References to anxiety, Suicidal Tendencies, Triggers, blaster wounds, do not copy to another site
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-02
Updated: 2020-02-02
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:35:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22529437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RobinPlaysTrumpet15/pseuds/RobinPlaysTrumpet15
Summary: Cody's seen this behavior in some of his men before. He doesn't like to see it in his general.
Relationships: CC-2224 | Cody & Obi-Wan Kenobi
Comments: 21
Kudos: 710
Collections: Star Wars The Clone Wars





	To Return a Lightsaber

**Author's Note:**

> **WARNING:** This deals with heavy stuff. There are mentions of physical injury as well as mentions and references of suicide, suicidal thoughts, self-harm, depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder. Please, if any of these things are a trigger or a squick for you, do not read this story.

Sometimes Cody didn’t understand natural-borns. Sure, in a lot of respects, he and his brothers weren’t that different. But then… there were times when it was painfully obvious that the clones’... creation was so very unlike how nat-borns got to _grow up_. Those two things were not the same.

The clones did not grow up. They were made. After some time when there were a lot of older brothers, their younger brothers probably had a better existence than those before them. But it wasn’t the same. Cody and the rest knew brotherhood from one another on Kamino, but they didn’t know what it was to be a part of a _family_ until the war had actually started. Though, that wasn’t to say that the war hadn’t already existed for them from the moment they were decanted.

But nat-borns… Even Jedi knew what it was like to belong to a family. Sure, some of them preached the whole “no attachment” rule to death, but the Jedi as a whole were still some form of a family. They had masters and grandmasters and sibling padawans. They had agemates and classmates and friends and the whole nine yards (so to speak). Sure, they didn’t grow up with their parents, and in most cases didn’t grow up with any actual blood related siblings either, but that didn’t mean that what they had wasn’t a family.

Natural-borns even more so, in most cases.

Even still, most of the time, he thought he understood those on his ship - knew his general inside and out and their admiral at least like a friend, to be sure.

But sometimes… oh _sometimes_ , Cody didn’t know what he was going to do with them.

Especially in situations like _this_ one.

General Kenobi had, in no less than at _least_ twenty different circumstances in the past half a year alone, preached to General Skywalker about the importance of not losing his lightsaber. Because that had happened. Again. It seemed to happen a surprising amount. At least from the tone of voice his general was using, anyway.

It always went the same way.

_“Try not to lose it.”_

_“You can’t afford to lose it in all of this mess.”_

_“You could get yourself killed if you continue to lose this.”_

_“This weapon_ is your life _.”_

Cody had been hearing those same lines and teachings and reasonings and admonishments since the day he’d met General Kenobi. Quite literally. General Skywalker had still been a commander at the time (a padawan, he sometimes had to remind himself) and had lost his lightsaber. Kenobi had found it and returned the saber to him, but not without going over several teachings that sounded like he had to recite them at least once a week.

What confused Cody about all of this was how kriffing _often_ his general lost his own lightsaber. And nearly without fail, Cody would find it and return it to the man. The Jedi would always smile and thank him, taking the saber back and attaching it to his belt right where it belonged. But it just didn’t make any sense. For as often as he hounded his former student about the proper handling of his lightsaber, the master didn’t seem keen on taking his own advice.

Cody would admit that he’d seen behavior like that in his own men before. Sergeants and captains and others all but yelling at their squads and platoons and companies about how they had to keep their heads down, needed to watch their backs, not risk their lives needlessly. Because no _vod_ in his right mind wanted to see another brother injured or killed. But those same men would throw themselves into danger without a second thought. They would sacrifice themselves for their _vode_. They got themselves injured or killed.

And in some extreme cases, Cody had heard of these being the men they found too late. The men who acted like nothing was wrong when everyone’s eyes were watching, but the moment they were alone… “accidents” seemed to follow them. They ended up bandaged and banged up, but no medic had records of seeing him or memories of treating any wounds. They flinched away from inspections and med checks or even casual, gentle hands on their arms or shoulders or backs.

They were the men they sometimes found alone in their quarters. Sometimes in the nick of time. And others, it was just too late.

Cody shook the thought from his head.

No, that couldn’t be right. That wasn’t his general.

His general wouldn’t-

He couldn’t-

Could he?

Cody did not sleep. The thought kept rattling around his head.

How often did Jedi-? Was it likely that they would? The life of a Jedi didn’t seem as if it could bring about thoughts and feelings such as that. But then again, Cody and his brothers had been designed to be resistant to stress and anxiety and everything else. They knew how untrue that could be sometimes. Engineered clones they may be, but that did not change the fact that they were still human, and that some brothers got the shakes after so many battles. Some of them spooked easier than others. Some of them didn’t sleep through the night too often. They watched over their shoulders when they didn’t have to and kept their hands readied for their blasters at a moment’s notice.

And Jedi were just as much beings as the clones were (at least in the clones’ minds). It stood to reason that at least some of them would share some of their problems. Especially in a war like this.

Cody resolved to keep an eye on his general.

For days (weeks), he watched and kept a mental note of the things he saw in the man’s behavior.

Sometimes he would stare off into nothing with this look in his eyes. It was hard to place, as Cody couldn’t quite get a good read on it. Sometimes, he actively left his lightsaber sitting somewhere when he left a room. That wasn’t a huge deal. They were on the ship and nothing was overly likely to happen while they were cruising through Republic space. But he was still without it. And something could still happen.

Cody watched the dark circles under his general’s eyes grow ever darker as the days passed. If he was sleeping at all, it wasn’t restful. Cody understood that. His own sleep wasn’t regular or necessarily restful these days. That didn’t stop him from making a note of it, however.

Then, finally, they were sent into battle.

The general held onto his lightsaber for most of it. But, eventually, it happened. The saber was knocked from its owner’s hand and went tumbling somewhere. By chance, it rolled and hit Cody in the side of the foot.

Without even a second thought, he picked it up and clipped it to his belt. There were red and blue blaster bolts all around him. Once the clankers were dealt with, he could handle his general. He didn’t stop worrying though.

His worry only increased when he realized that the general was not taking shelter or backing off or falling back to a more secured spot. No, he was still up at the front with no weapon, just dodging the blaster bolts like it was nothing. Cody knew it wasn’t, of course. The man would be even more tired once this was over, and his current constant use of the Force to aid him in battle was also unhelpful. He was going to be absolutely drained.

A shiny at his general’s side tripped over a downed droid and fell.

That was when he saw it, and he knew exactly what _it_ was.

The Jedi threw himself in front of the fallen trooper with no plan for how to defend himself or his charge. It also drew even more attention to himself, pulling a whole grouping of droids in to circle him and the shiny.

The clone recovered himself well enough and got back up to one knee. He took out the droids with one shot each in quick succession, which was pretty damn impressive, Cody could admit.

It wasn’t fast enough, though. Because General Kenobi was hit in at least three, non fatal, places. The droids were dispatched quickly by the shiny and whatever brothers were nearest. By the time the fight was over, their general was on the ground, wincing in pain and pushing away the fussing hands of a couple of Cody’s brothers.

Helix appeared at Cody’s side, out of breath but ready to continue his own fight as a medic. As they approached, the group of men surrounding the general fell back a few steps, giving them room to kneel at Kenobi’s side.

“Little gods,” Cody sighed, helping Helix push away the layers of fabric concealing wounds. “What is wrong with you, General?”

The auburn haired Jedi sent a pained little smirk up at him before wincing hard as Helix found one of the shots and began to treat it.

“I didn’t do anything,” he started, voice tight on another wince, “anyone else wouldn’t.”

Cody bit back the growl that threatened to grumble out of him.

Instead, he took the lightsaber from his belt and pressed it into his general’s hand.

“Most of us try actively _not_ to lose our blasters,” Cody told him. “Yet _you_ lose this damn lightsaber every five kriffing minutes.”

“I don’t-”

“You’re going to get yourself killed.”

General Kenobi did not respond to that. But he was surprisingly good for Helix as he got his wounds dressed.

The whole upper half of his clothes had to be removed, exposing the three red and blackened wounds. One sat high on his left shoulder, another low on his right side, and the last just left and up from his navel. They weren’t bad, but he’d still be sore for awhile, even with the bacta patches Helix applied doing their jobs.

Cody considered briefly how effective it would be to relegate the man to his side for the rest of their time on the planet. He was now sufficiently concerned about the wellbeing of his general. Both his physical and mental safety and health were at risk.

But, of course, he couldn’t do anything about it just yet. The men were still around. They were still looking to their general and marshal commander to tell them what to do.

Unfortunately, it would have to wait as these things tended to do in a war.

Thankfully, however, their job was quickly finished and it took less than a full rotation for them to be back on the _Negotiator_.

They did the whole debriefing thing, checked on the supplies, checked on the men, checked on the medbay. Everything was in perfect order. By the time it was finished and there was finally nothing holding them back from sleep anymore, it was nearly 0100 hours.

But for Cody, there was still one more thing to take care of. And it could no longer wait.

Before the man at his shoulder could say anything about sending them both off to bed, Cody spoke first.

“General, can we talk about something? Privately?”

The man gave him a confused look, but still agreed, leading them from the bridge and off towards his own quarters. The walk there was silent, the air around them filled with concern and confusion.

When they entered the room, General Kenobi motioned for Cody to take a seat in the single chair in the room. The Jedi opted to sit on the edge of his bed.

“What’s going on, Commander?” Obi-Wan asked.

“Cody,” he corrected. This wasn’t going to be a conversation between a Commander and his General unless it had to be. “And I really should be asking you that question.”

Obi-Wan frowned.

“What do you mean?”

Cody sighed.

“Obi-Wan, there is something going on. I can tell.”

“With who?”

“With you!” he exclaimed. “Whatever it is, it’s been happening for at least a few weeks, if not longer.”

The man shook his head.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Cody.”

The commander quirked an eyebrow up at him.

“Oh, really?” he challenged. “So your sleep hasn’t been suffering for weeks? You don’t lose your lightsaber at, almost literally, every possible opportunity?”

“No-”

“I’ve listened to you lecture Skywalker about the importance of his lightsaber so many times just since I met you, I lost track a year and a half ago. And yet it seems that in nearly every battle we find ourselves in, I find yours clipped to my belt because you’ve dropped it again.”

“That must truly be an exaggeration-”

“It’s not,” Cody deadpanned. “I hold that thing almost as much as you do, at this point.”

Obi-Wan stared at him in shock.

“Do I have to be the one to remind you how important it is? It’s your defense and your offense. It keeps you alive, but only if you have it _with_ you. Even my shinies don’t drop their blasters as much as you drop that thing! Do I have to be the one to remind _you_ that weapon is your life?”

Cody finished, staring at Obi-Wan with a hard look. The man did not return the eye contact, just shifted in his seat on the mattress uncomfortably.

“Cody-”

“Don’t ‘Cody’ me, something is wrong here!” He stood from the desk chair, looking down at the auburn haired man. “I have watched and found and been told about too many men who ended up eating their blasters to just look away from this!”

Blue eyes snapped up to meet Cody’s finally. Pure and utter shock colored Obi-Wan’s expression.

“Cody, I wouldn’t-” Obi-Wan tried to say, but Cody cut him off.

“And how am I supposed to know that?” he demanded, carefully checking his tone and keeping it at least mostly under control. “I know what the warning signs look like, Obi-Wan! And maybe _you_ can’t see it, but I can!”

He waited for a response of some kind, but Obi-Wan still just looked completely lost for words. Cody shook his head.

“You’re not sleeping well. I can see it in your face and your posture. I know you haven’t been eating enough, even if all we truly have are those godsforsaken ration bars. You protect the men fiercely, but won’t afford yourself that same sort of passion or care. You drop your lightsaber and don’t even worry about it enough to attempt to find it until I hand it back to you.

“And I do. I give it back to you every time. Not just because you need it or because it belongs to you, but because it’s a _part_ of you. It’s your life. And that matters to me. Your life is important to me. Not because you’re my general or my commanding officer, or because you’re a Jedi and are completely invaluable to the GAR and the Order. Not even because you’re a Master and a member of the Council!

“It’s because you’re _you_. And I care about everything that comes along with you being Obi-Wan Kenobi. You’re strong and compassionate and caring. You look at each and every one of us like we actually matter and mean something, and you talk to us and defend us that way, too.

“You’re funny and sarcastic and so full of shit and sass; honestly it’s no kriffing _wonder_ where Skywalker gets it from! You just- ...I don’t think you realize how _much_ you mean to all of us. Or to me. I can’t lose you. You may not form attachments to things or people, but I sure do. Even if life would be easier if I didn’t. It would destroy me if something happened to you. Please, you can’t do this to yourself.”

Cody drew in a stuttering breath and when he released it again, there were tears falling down his cheeks. And- honestly! How old was he? But he couldn’t find any shame in them. Not when his general’s eyes were red and irritated and filling with tears of his own.

Cody’s chest felt simultaneously lighter and heavier for the admission. It was out in the open now, but what happened next was completely up to the man sitting in front of him.

Neither of them said another word as Obi-Wan reached for Cody’s hand. He tugged the man down to him and before Cody even knew what had happened, there were arms wrapping around his middle. He curled his arms around the Jedi’s shoulders protectively as the tears continued and fell into auburn hair. Obi-Wan’s shoulders shook in his hold.

The position was awkward. Cody half stood in front of the bed, one knee braced on the mattress at Obi-Wan’s side, his other foot planted on the durasteel floor. It wasn’t the worst thing in the world. Obi-Wan clutched him tightly as he cried, all silent and wordless, into Cody’s breastplate. Cody wasn’t as quiet as he cried, unintentionally, into the man’s hair.

He’d held brothers in worse positions than this one as they put themselves back together in whatever way they could find. They still came away broken and cracked and worse for wear, but Cody still had them, at the end of the day.

There was no telling where this one would end up. But no matter what happened, he knew he would continue to do what he could to keep this man at his side.

Even if he had to return that damned lightsaber to him a hundred times a day.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading.


End file.
